Hope will give us power

she is saying our names, and she's our present

Hi, I’m Raf. This is the Miscellanies.

This is going to be a short(er) email. It’s been a long, long week for me; there were a couple of days where I was simply seized by an existential despair, and thinking through the simplest things was a Herculean effort. It feels like my brain is drowning in a foggy miasma. There’s a reason for this, which this thread by Tade Thompson explains (and which I’ve excerpted below):

Because this keeps coming up, here's a super-simplified explanation for Quarantine Brain Fog (or Cortisol Brain) for lay people.

First, terms:

Neurons are the cells that transmit information in the nervous system.

Synapses are the connections between neurons.

Information has to jump from one neuron across a synapse to other (usually several) neurons. Your brain is full of neurons (about 85-86 billion of them) and packing material, with the blood that supplies oxygen and nutrients and the fluid that balances everything (CSF). You need Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor (BDNF) for healthy neuron growth and maintenance of synaptic connections.

Under stress, BDNF is reduced (well, the gene for it is suppressed, but same diff). Stress can lower serotonin levels. Stress initially increases nor-adrenaline and dopamine, but long-standing stress depletes their stores and reduces them.

Gross simplification: your hippocampus is where your memory neurons are and the amygdala is where emotional context neurons lie.

Both of these shrink in long-standing stress, maybe due to BDNF depletion. Both of these are supposed to place controls on the HPA axis. The HPA axis controls cortisol release from the adrenal gland, so when it has no suppression, cortisol release is unrestrained.

Cortisol, in turn, is toxic to neurons. So, you see a kind of perfect storm situation. This happens in folks without pre-existing vulnerability from child abuse, depression, PTSD etc. This system is hyperactive in people with existing vulnerabilities.

In these vulnerable folks, the handling of stress is ramped up by several orders.

This is why one-size-fits-all advice for people experiencing stress is daft. We're not all the same. We will never all be the same. Not even identical twins are (exactly) the same in this regard.

Several people who have never had mental illnesses may manifest them during and after the quarantine because this is a new challenge for brain circuits that have never been stress-tested like this. In others, the usual intellectual performance may be somewhat blunted.

The good news is that with stress reduction (and treatment of depression and anxiety disorders) the system can recover and you can even get new neuron growth (neurogenesis) when BDNF returns to normal.

Bottom line: long standing stress is bad for your ability to think, but it's not permanent.

Different people need different levels of support during this time.

Don't brag about your productivity. You're lucky to have that kind of brain shaped by different life experiences.

So, there you have it. I’m glad this isn’t permanent, but it’s incredibly hampering for me; and since I suffer from many of the things Tade mentioned above, it’s hitting me especially hard.

One way I’ve dealt with this is by regularly stepping away from my computer and reading analog materials like books. Another is reading poetry. One poem that really resonated with me is this one by Clare Pollard. I recited it last night on my Instagram feed; I share it here with you.

The Gift

By Clare Pollard, with thoughts and images dreamt up by London schoolchildren

I walk through Winter’s city,
my footsteps stain the snow.
The darkness shuts like curtains.
It’s later than I know.

Dark is a heart that’s breaking,
Dark is a dream you lose.
Dark is a pounding headache
that makes the world a maze

and then a speck of something,
I see a candle-flame –
a tiny seed that flickers.
I hear Hope say my name.

The seed becomes a golden flower
of pouring light, a gift.
I need you to believe, Hope says.
It’s you makes me exist.

I feel bright feathers lifting.
I hear a tiger’s roar.
I’ve taken many forms, Hope says –
changing is what I’m for.

At Christmas-time I settle
into the shape of tree – 
alive, sharp, resin rising.
Hope shines and darkness flees

and I can see a future
as clocks chime their late hour
for Hope will be our present,
and Hope will give us power.

I hope we get to have a nice, restful weekend. I have that hope, and I hope it for you, too.

By the way, tomorrow is May Day. Lots of people working at Amazon, Instacart, Whole Foods & similar places will be striking.

Don’t cross the line. Save your purchases for another day, or buy local. It’s not enough to call these folks “essential workers” or to clap for them or call them “heroes”. They deserve to be treated that way. Amazon’s got the money to do that; they simply choose not to.

Respect these workers; don’t cross the line.

---

Here’s some stuff I found interesting this past week:

Josh Gad reunites the cast of The Goonies in quarantine — including Richard Donner, Chris Columbus, Steven Spielberg, and Cyndi Lauper. I’m here for all of these things.

World’s biggest film festivals unite for 10-day streaming event — curated by Cannes, Sundance, Tribeca, and many more, with all content streamed free on YouTube from May 29-June 7. I am not a “film guy”, but I’m definitely going to take advantage of this.

Got Your Back — attractive collection of virtual backdrops from designers, illustrators, animators, and more. If you’re tired of people seeing your home on video calls, check these out.

A History of Subversive Remix Video before YouTube — interesting 2012 survey of pre-2005 video mashups from Pop Culture Detective's Jonathan McIntosh. Oldie but goodie.

OpenAI trained an AI to generate music, with singing, in the style of various artists and genres — this is absolutely unreal, check out the featured samples and then explore all 7k samples.

This is fascinating: “Outside the hospital, cut off from friends and family like everyone else in New York, I’ve spent much of my social isolation on my PC. I keep logging into Ubisoft’s accidentally, unfortunately prescient 2019 online action game The Division 2. Here I am, a physician in a time of pestilence, spending my few free hours playing a game set in a fictional America torn apart by plague.”

Humans are not selfish by nature Despite the scam artists taking the opportunity to capitalize on the fears of others, the pandemic and social distancing has caused many to have an overwhelming need to comfort and care for others. 

I love you folks so damn much. Please stay healthy, stay safe, and I know it’s tough, but please stay inside. I’m here if you need anything; just hit reply.