It's Friday, Friday
Everybody's looking forward to the weekend, weekend
My friend Mikey, for the better part of the last three years or so, does this thing to celebrate the incipient arrival of the weekend (such as it is) where he unironically throws up Rebecca Black's "Friday" on his Facebook feed. I don't know about you, but it's worth just tossing the Disaster of the Day™ to one side for a moment. So:
(alt text: YouTube video of Rebecca Black’s song “Friday”.)
It's Friday, Friday, everyone's getting ready for the weekend, weekend, and this is The Miscellanies. Let's get to it.
PLAY BALL
The Washington Nationals/Les Expos de Montréal are up two games to none on the Houston Astros going into tonight's World Series game in Washington. It's safe to say very, very few people thought this would be the case. I'd have to check, but the 'Stros were probably the heaviest favorites going into the World Series since at least the late 1990's Yankees teams. This isn't a flukey lead, either: Washington's been very efficient in scoring, Houston hasn't been, and the result is that now the Nationals are fairly heavy favorites to win their first championship ever. Here's why.
No team has come back from an 0-2 deficit in the Series since the 1996 Yankees (who lost the first two games to the Atlanta Braves, before winning the next four). The last team to lose the first two games of the World Series at home and then come back to win were the 1986 New York Mets. That Series went all seven games, and Red Sox fans would really not rather not talk about it, thank you very much.
I'm not making any predictions, I'm just saying that when you've got to go back over three decades to find a team that accomplished what Houston needs to do to win a title, the odds aren't great.
Could they do it? Sure. They're one of the two best teams in baseball this season. Will they do it? That's a much harder question to answer. The fact that they relatively struggled to beat a Tampa Bay Rays team that's about a year away from true title contention, and then came close to blowing a 3-1 lead in the ALCS (which hadn't happened since 2007) isn't a great sign. I'm just saying.
And in case the Nationals needed any more motivation to Take Care of Business™ Friday and Saturday:
This is almost certain to be an extremely hostile crowd for *President Trump. The Nationals say he's not throwing out the first pitch, but the best way to prevent this from happening at all is to win on Friday and Saturday. I'm just saying.
Here's another thing I'm saying: you should root for the Nationals to win. Not only are they fun as hell, the Nationals don't employ a domestic abuser (at least that we know of!). In contrast to the Astros, who enjoy the services of disgraced closer Roberto Osuna. Or I should say, "enjoy", because hanging over the Houston Astros this entire Series has been a repellent episode that occurred after they won the pennant last Saturday.
fuuuuuck the patriarchy, eh?
To recap: after winning the American League Championship Series, Astros assistant general manager Brandon Taubman taunted a woman reporter who'd written about Osuna's domestic abuse allegations.
“Thank God we got Osuna! I’m so f------ glad we got Osuna!” Taubman said, about a half dozen times, toward the group of female reporters at the end of a champagne-filled clubhouse celebration following Game 6 of the American League Championship Series on Saturday. According to Chandler Rome, the Houston Astros beat writer for the Houston Chronicle:
Taubman’s comments about Osuna came after the pitcher yielded a game-tying, two-run home run in the ninth inning against the Yankees. The Astros initially ascribed Taubman’s tirade as support for Osuna, who “was being asked questions about a difficult outing.” Eyewitnesses told the Chronicle that Osuna was not being interviewed, nor was he anywhere near the group of women.
Taubman’s ire was directed specifically at one reporter, about whom Taubman had complained in prior conversations with multiple people. She was wearing a purple domestic violence awareness bracelet on Saturday. The reporter posted numbers to domestic violence hotlines and women’s centers on social media when Osuna entered games last season. Perturbed, Taubman asked at least one person during the Astros’ 2018 playoff run if the posts would persist into next season. (emphasis added)
SI's Stephanie Apstein, who was in a group with that writer, obviously reported what happened. Both Taubman and the Astros denied that what happened, happened, and essentially accused Apstein of making the whole thing up. You'll never guess what happened next.
They got busted for lying, because of course they did. Other reporters who were also there literally stepped up and said, Uh, Brandon totally was taunting that woman. The Astros are lying here. It became enough of a Thing that Houston was forced to backtrack, which never happens. I'm not saying that this whole sorry episode is related to what's happening on the field, but baseball is a deeply superstitious sport. I mean, there's a reason we talk about curses and what not in baseball, and in no other sport.
So we come to today, where the Astros announced that they were firing Taubman. Yes, you read that right: they fired him.
Normally, this is the kind of thing where “resignations” are accepted with great reluctance, as it were, because the person involved doesn't want to be a Distraction™, and we pause with great solemnity. But no: they fired him. There were actual consequences for bad behavior, which is something that happens so fucking rarely now that I literally did a double take when I saw the news.
Having got that part right, Houston screwed up again.
In fairness (sigh), Chandler Rome gave Luhnow’s actual quote. To wit:
sigh. sigh. siiiiiiiiiigh.
Look, I'll give a little credit to the Astros for doing the right thing. But only a little, and here's why: they had to be forced into doing it! If the Houston Astros were up two games to none instead of down, Taubman would still be in the front office; their PR folks would be urging folks to “move on”. Hell, if other male reporters -- and let's be real, the fact that men spoke up here was critical to the story -- hadn't said that the Houston front office (FO) was lying, this wouldn't have been a story in the first place. Not only would we be talking about "both sides" (which we were), but people would've actively sided with Taubman (which they're doing anyway).
This, right fucking here, is what systemic sexism looks like. This is what the patriarchy looks like.
It looks like everybody immediately assuming that the woman lied or exaggerated, instead of saying the unvarnished truth.
It means everyone worrying about what's going to happen to the man, instead of caring about what's happened to the woman.
It sounds like having to have men speak up in support, instead of just taking a woman's word for it.
It's listening to people talk about "due process" and "listening to both sides", instead of simply believing what a woman sees and says happened right in front of her fucking eyes and ears.
When people like me say "Believe women", this is what we're talking about. You want to be a good man? Great. Here's the first thing you need to start doing: listen.
That's it: listen. Listen. Listen like your life depends on it. Listen, and start paying attention. Listen, listen, listen, and then listen some fucking more.
Because when you start listening, you start waking up to the mountain of horseshit that every woman you know has to deal with, night in and day out. You want to be a good man? This is where you start; forget the flowers, forget the jewelry, the gifts, the dinners and start listening.
Jeff Luhnow says he had to have a pretty tough conversation? Motherfucker, please. Brandon Taubman is going to be fucking FINE. We should shed no tears whatso-fucking-ever for a man living life on the easiest level it can be lived on. He'll go right back to making six figures somewhere else.
You want to talk about a tough conversation? Let's talk about what it's like to find out someone you love is the victim of domestic violence or sexual assault. You want to shed some tears? Shed them for Roberto Osuna's partner, who had to escape to Canada, or for the millions of other people who suffer from domestic violence.
It is galling that even after being forced to do the right thing, the Astros organization had the temerity to say they make fighting domestic violence a priority. It's such a priority for them that they continue to employ a domestic abuser in a key role, and were perfectly okay with a senior male employee gloating about it in public as retaliation towards a woman publicizing organized efforts to fight the very thing the Astros claim they are “very committed to using [their] voice to create awareness and support” for.
That's how much of a priority it is for them.
So what I'm saying is: you should root for the Nationals/Expos.
the choice is yours
(alt text: YouTube video of Black Sheep’s “The Choice Is Yours” music video featuring the two rappers.)
Holiday SZN is coming, which means lots of people might wonder which iPhone they should get to replace their old one. My friend Robyn is one of those folks; having a broken iPhone, she asked for advice on which one to get to replace it.
Let’s stipulate that you’re not interested in the big one (the 11 Pro Max). With that in mind: everyone's use case is different.
The iPhone 11 starts out at $700 for 64 GB, but I'd probably spend the extra $50 to get one with 128 GB, which is probably sufficient for most folks, especially if you're not putting your entire music library on there or watching downloaded movies on it. The iPhone 11 is much less expensive than the 11 Pro, even though it offers the same processor, two of the three cameras, and a Face ID scanner. The screen isn’t as great, and there’s no telephoto lens, though. The iPhone 11 has a lower-resolution LCD screen instead of an OLED screen, so that means text and other elements won't be as sharp as on the 11 Pro, and the contrast isn't as good, as well.
With the 11 Pro, you get a third camera, with telephoto capabilities, as well as a higher-resolution OLED display, better battery life, a higher degree of waterproofing, a stainless steel frame instead of aluminum, and a matte-textured finish on the rear glass. But in order to get more space than the baseline 64 GB, you have to spend $150 to go to 256 GB, which is more space than the vast majority of people use on their phones.
Both of them have Night Mode, which works really well.
So here's the thing: are you doing a TON of reading on your iPhone? Because that's the one place where I'd probably recommend the 11 Pro over the 11. Your eyes will thank you for not straining them with a less-sharp screen. Otherwise, you should be fine with the 11.
The other thing to keep in mind is that the 11 is bigger than the 11 Pro. The 11 screen is 6.1 inches, while the 11 Pro is 5.8 inches. It's definitely noticeably larger than older iPhones, assuming you haven't handled one already.
measure for measure
(alt text: picture of bald, stocky man with glasses wearing black boots, blue jeans, plaid scarf, black car coat, pink shirt.)
I've always loathed pictures of me. That's because I suffer from catastrophic levels of low self-esteem. I have an incredibly distorted self image of my body, and it's taken me forever to achieve the tiniest degree of comfort in my skin. I struggle every morning and every night when I look at myself in the mirror. I think of myself as undesirable, and that no one could possibly be attracted to me.
I see men's style magazines, and I don't look like anyone in those pictures. The men I see have these ideal shapes: they look like upside-down triangles. Broad shoulders; waspish waists; slim thighs.
(alt text: a white man with dark hair wearing a tailored blue suit with a white turtleneck)
I look nothing like that. I look for clothes, and none of them are made for me. And I mean: for me. I had to overhaul my wardrobe recently for professional reasons; let me tell you, it was a surpassingly frustrating experience. Nothing fit. It felt like everything was made for some guy with a 15-inch neck and a 42-inch chest and a 32-inch waist with a 30-inch inseam. I am not that guy.
A lifetime of military service, playing rugby, lifting weights, and -- let's be honest -- the dietary habits of a 20-something singleton who's now middle-aged mean that my measurements are way outside the norm. How outside? I have an 18 1/2-inch neck, a 50-inch chest, arms 32 inches long, a 41-inch waist, and a 28-inch inseam. Basically, I look like an oversized bulldog.
That makes finding clothes that look good on me an adventure.
I suspect, based on what I've heard from other people, that I'm not the only man in this predicament. So I'll start sharing what I've learned in hopes that you can learn from it, too.
First things first: in order to look good, you've got to feel good. In order to feel good, your clothes have to fit well. You've noticed that I mentioned measurements: neck, chest, arm, waist, inseam. Those are the five basic measurements for any piece of menswear. “Inseam” simply means the seam in a pair of pants from the crotch to the bottom of the leg, or the length of this.
Real talk: unless you're freakishly devoted to dietary and exercise discipline, to the point of spending literal hours - plural - on it every day, your body's going to change dramatically as you grow older. That's going to affect the clothes you wear; for instance, it makes it harder to pull off wearing clothes meant for world-class athletes, like Hector Bellerín, Dwayne Johnson, P.K. Subban, or Tom Brady.
More to the point, context matters. When it comes to clothes, the context is your body. One of my mentors put it very memorably: the clothes you wear are meant to protect you from the cruel world outside. Not just your physical body, but your emotional body as well. They should make you feel good, and you should be excited to wear them. And the way that happens is to make sure they fit you well.
More real talk: it's nearly impossible to wear clothes "off the rack" (meaning off the store merchandise rack) well. You're going to have to have them tailored to you. There's a reason why tailors and alterations are still a thing today. Here’s a quick tip: if the sleeves don’t stop naturally at your wrist, they’re too long. If your trouser cuffs are all bunched up at your ankle, they’re too long. You need to have them altered and made to fit you, not some algorithmically determined Ideal Man™.
One of the best things I did this year was find a personal tailor. Yes, you read that correctly: I have a tailor who alters the clothes I have to make sure they fit. I mean every piece of clothing: pants, coats, shirts, suits, jackets, you name it. Let me tell you, it's made all the difference in the world.
So, find a tailor. Usually, if you have a place that does your dry-cleaning, they'll probably have a tailor to do in-house alterations. You may have to shop around; I did. It's worth it. Either way, the next step is to get your measurements. It's important to do that because that helps narrow down your shopping: no point in looking at button-downs with a 15-inch neck when your neck size is 17 inches, right?
Those measurements roughly translate to the small/medium/large/extra-large spectrum, too. Generally speaking, if you have an 18 1/2-inch neck like me, you're looking at the XL or 2XL end of the spectrum; if you have a 15-inch neck, you're more of a (S)mall or (M)edium.
I'll elaborate from there, but that's a good place to start. Get your measurements, and everything else flows from that.
Back to selfies. I started taking pictures of my daily outfits, frankly, because I have no one to tell me I look good when I leave my house in the morning. I live essentially by myself. I wake up by myself, and I go to sleep by myself.
I don't have anyone to say, Damn, you're looking good today, or I like what you're wearing this morning. I don’t have anyone who desires me, who cares what I wear and how I wear it. All I have is myself, looking in the mirror.
I got tired of that. I can’t fix the situation where no one wants me, so to speak*, but what I can do is post selfies of my outfits. I saw other people doing it, so I figured: why not? Worst case, no one would say anything, and I'd be where I was at before doing it.
So: thank you for complimenting me. I really appreciate it. My struggle with my self image will continue, but it helps hearing other voices besides my own. I'll keep doing it, I suppose. I won't talk brands, because brands don't really matter. What matters is the look, and how it's put together.
As ever, I'm happy to answer questions — on this, or anything else. Just hit “reply”. If you know someone who’d like this newsletter, share it with them. Tell them to subscribe. Spread the word, please, if you don’t mind.
OK, that's a wrap. Here's Hector and Hobbes to take us out into the weekend. I love all of you, and remember that you’re awesome — yes, you, especially you.
(alt text: two ginger cats looking at the camera.)